GOON SHOW: TLO 23090
7th SERIES No 19
BROADCAST: 7 Feb 1957
Script by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens.
GREENSLADE: This is the BBC
Light Programme.
SEAGOON: You'll get a
punch-up-the-conk, Wal!
GREENSLADE: Mister Seagoon,
the practice of punching BBC announcers up the conk was outlawed in seventeen
seventy-three.
SEAGOON: Wrong Wallace,
wrong! Wrong indeed! Only recently there was an fresh outbreak of up-the-conk
punching. So loosen your gentleman's support for elderly couples whilst the
great poet-tragedian William MacGoonigal sets the scene.[1]
ORCHESTRA: Scratchy violin fanfare. Continues
playing ‘Hearts and Flowers’ under.
MacGOONIGAL:[2] Thank you
Paganini. Let me hear that melody divine Thompson. Oh folks. Oooh folks! 'The
Ballad of the Punch Up The Conk'. (No laughing please, folks.) Listen folks: ‘Twas in the year of nineteen tgenytnee,
when
the Punch Up The Conker struck without rhyme or rea –
son. Late
one night without any warning,
he
struck a gentleman's private conk whilst he was yawning.
WILLIUM: (Snoring)
FX: Boxing glove on punching bag.
Pneumatic car-horn.
WILLIUM: Owwwhhhwhhhawhawhhawhwh…
mate! Oww – me 'ooter! Owww.
FX: Police whistle.
SEAGOON: Hello, hello!
What's going on here?
WILLIUM: I've been punched
up the conk, officer.
SEAGOON: I'll have to make
a note of this. Now where did I put my notebook?
FX: Wooden drawer sliding open.
SEAGOON: Ah, it's in the
sideboard here. Now – tell me all.
WILLIUM: Well, I was sleeping
on the joe in the garden – (the piano,)[3]
when a leather omnibus draws up and out jumps a man wearing a masked boxing
glove on 'is 'and. “What's that up there?” he says. Up I looks and WALLOP – right up me ol' conk dere![4]
SEAGOON: I see. Have you
ever committed a murder?
WILLIUM: No, no.
SEAGOON: I can't get you
on that then. Now tell me, why were you sleeping on the piano in the garden?
WILLIUM: Cos the grass was
damp mate and I don't want to get the nadgers again you see. My wife's got the
lurgi, and my eldest boy's got the plin mate.[5]
SEAGOON: Sergeant Dongler,
take this man along to the station...
P.S. DONGLER: Yes Sir.
SEAGOON: ...and put him on
the train for
P. S. DONGLER: Right Sir.
WILLIUM: (Going) Leggo mate. I tell yourn I wasn’t…
(Argues into distance.)
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic
detective-series link.
NARRATOR:[6] Eleven-ten, Inspector
Seagoon dismissed the conk-punching as drunk's hallucination – hern, hern of
the hern. Eleven-eleven, Seagoon returned to Scotland Yard. Eleven-twelve,
Scotland Yard returned to
FX: Old fashioned telephone rings.
Receiver picked up..
SEAGOON: Hello. Seagoon of
Fabian Yard here. [7]
SINGHIZ THINGZ: (On telephone) Pardon me sir, this is
the management of the Red Indian Youth Hostel in Paddington W2. We are just
having a nasty incident here sir.
SEAGOON: Really?
FX: Door opens.
SEAGOON: What happened?
SINGHIZ THINGZ: I tell you – I
tell you all about it. Please put on this cardboard turban. Thank you. Now, we
were sitting down sir playing ping pong in the oriental style, when a leather
omnibus approaching from the direction of W4, and the occupant wearing a masked
boxing glove is punching poor Bert Ramjat Singh right up his conk and poor
Ramjat Singh is falling backwards in the direction of SW2. (So help me, it’s
the truth I tell you…)
SEAGOON: “Gad!” I said.
Then that old man sleeping on the piano was telling the truth.
WILLIUM: (Off) Yes I was!
SEAGOON: Constable, go up
to
WILLIUM: (Off) Ta mate!
SEAGOON: Now then –
Sergeant Greenslade, question all people wearing masked boxing gloves and
driving leather omnibuses.
GREENSLADE: It'll take time sir.
SEAGOON: Very well, take
time – and… and... Greenslade...
ORCHESTRA: Soft saxophone version of ‘Laura.’ [8]
GREENSLADE: Yes sir?
SEAGOON: …do be careful.
Remember – you're… you're all I've got.
GREENSLADE: Don't worry sir,
I'm wearing my trousers back to front.
SEAGOON: (anguish) It must be hell in there!
GRAMS: Steam
locomotive. Start at high speed, slow down rapidly to a stop. Brakes squeal.
P.S. DONGLER: Here he is Sir.
WILLIUM: Hello mate.
SEAGOON: You're back
quickly.
WILLIUM: Yes, we brought
the train by h’aeroplane.
SEAGOON: Splendid. Now
look, what did this attacker look like?
WILLIUM: I dunno… I dunno
– I didn't see 'im mate.
SEAGOON: I see. And would
you recognize him if you didn't see him again?
WILLIUM: Straight away!
Although you know sir, I must admit me eyes ain't what they used to be.
SEAGOON: No?
WILLIUM: No – they used to
be me ears.
SEAGOON: Sergeant! Take
this man to
P.S. DONGLER: Fyakfyakfyia sir.
SEAGOON: And Sergeant
Geldray...
GELDRAY: Yes boys?
SEAGOON: ...your nose is
an obvious temptation to the punch-up-the-conker.[9]
Place this harmonica under it as a protection!
SEAGOON: Right, round the
old back for the brandy there!
GRAMS: Running
footsteps.
MAX GELDRAY – “Can’t We Be
Friends?” [10]
FX: Boxing glove full tilt into boxing
bag. Pneumatic car horn.
GELDRAY: (Blows harmonica chord) Oooh! My nose!
Ooooo…
GRAMS: Bus
bell.
SEAGOON: Quick – they've
clouted Geldray's hooter. After that leather omnibus on these national health
feet.
GRAMS: Running
footsteps.
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic
link.
SEAGOON: Unfortunately the
leather omnibus out-distanced us whilst I was having lunch,[11]
and when I got out of bed next morning it was completely out of sight.
CONSTABLE: Inspector, I have
been looking through this log book of leather omnibus manufacturers…
SEAGOON: Let me see – hmm,
there's only one entry. We'll have to go in there. (Laughs) Ha Ha! Ha ha!
Ahem... Dear
listeners, up a narrow street, in a broad road which ran through a long narrow
lane, (Sings) in a quaint little old
fashioned town…[12]
GRYTPYPE: You'll starve.[13]
SEAGOON: … we saw a small
green door. [14]
GREENSLADE: We now reveal for
the very first time exactly what is going on behind that green door.
BANNISTER: (Singing.) Dum binim bibim, GREEN DOO-OR!
Yim bom biddle. Yatta tappa pappum pittoyl di boi. GREEN DOO-OR! Bwak
bwak bwak-ark! (&c.)
CRUN: Min – Min! I
can't concentrate on the brown leather when you keep singing the green door you
know.
BANNISTER: Ah – you gotta
get modern Henry.
CRUN: (In a temper) Modern? I am modern Min! I
am known as 'Modern Crun'.[15]
You think that because I don't sing rhythm-type melodies that I'm a corny. Well
– you asked for this! You asked for it! I'm going to sing moderrrrrn!!
BANNISTER: Oh! I'll put my
corsets on.
CRUN: (With foot stomping.) One, two, three,
four… Mister Whatchacallim whatcha doing tonight – YEAH! Pitta dada doo. I hope
you’re in the mood because I'm feelin' alright.[16]
Ohhh, go man go... oww. Dimmal nuppa duppa doo. Da da da
da da da…
ORCHESTRA: High-hat
cymbal snap.
CRUN: There Min. Let
that be a lesson to you – you and your Dan Leno school of rhythm![17]
Now let us get back to the leather omnibus.
BANNISTER: We never seem to
sell any.
CRUN: I know – I can't
understand it. You know, we make the finest leather omnibuses in the world.
GRAMS: Penguin
sounds.
CRUN: Min, Min – the
penguin wants to go out. [18]
BANNISTER: I tell you what
Henry, if we want to sell more of these modern leather rhythm omnibuses we
should do more modern American advertising-type advertising.
CRUN: We can't get more
modern than we are already Min.
BANNISTER: What do you mean
Henry?
CRUN: We've got a gas lit
poster in the gents wash-up and brush-up in Piccadilly Tube you know.
BANNISTER: I bet that's been
marked for life by now.
CRUN: We must keep
production rolling Min.
BANNISTER: Yes.
CRUN: Help me lace up
this leather engine.
BANNISTER: Mind the piston
rods now.
FX: Door opens. Shop-bell rings.
SEAGOON: Good morning.
CRUN & BANNISTER: (Variously)
Oooh! Ahhh! What is it?
CRUN: Min! It's a
customer direct from the Piccadilly wash and brush up. (Sings) Mister Whatchacallim whatcha doing tonight – YEAH!!!
SEAGOON: So that's what
happened to Harry Roy.[19]
Now sir, I'm from the police department.
CRUN: (Fibrillations) Ahhhhhhhhiiiiee! Min and
I haven't done anything wrong.
SEAGOON: I don't suppose
you could at your age. Now – what I've come for is your record of all leather
omnibuses sold.
CRUN: Just a minute
sir. We shall – let’s have to look in the vital ledger. [20]
FX: Pages being leafed through.
CRUN: Ahh let's see –
omnibuses sold. Yes, here's the first one we sold; eighteen seventy-three.
SEAGOON: And the next one?
CRUN: Yes? Oh, we
haven't finished it yet.
SEAGOON: Well, who did you
sell the first one to?
CRUN: We don't know.
You see he punched me up the conk and displaced my spring and leather wig.
SEAGOON: Dear listeners,
here was proof. Whoever bought that leather omnibus was the punch up the
conker!
BANNISTER:
Whoooooooooooooaaaaaa
ORCHESTRA: Police
detective link.
NARRATOR: Eight
seventy-six, got back to headquarters. Found dinner in oven…
SEAGOON: Two months went
by.
NARRATOR: … dinner got
cold. Three months went by – there were no more reports of punch-up-the-conking.
Work at Scotland Yard went on as normal.
GRAMS: Traction
engine – jack hammer pounding – hammering – violin tuning.
SEAGOON: (Calls out) Sergeant Hobbs, turn that
radio down will you?
GRAMS: Noise stops.
SEAGOON: Thank you. Now, any
news?
SEAGOON: Where?
SEAGOON: Are you sure it
wasn't a disguise?
FX: Office buzzer.
SEAGOON: Yes?
OFFICER:[23] (Rubbish &c)
SEAGOON: Send him in.
FX: Door opens.
GRYTPYPE: Good morning
Inspector. Grytpype Thynne is the name. Permit me to introduce you to the part
owner of my suit, Count Jim 'Thighs' Moriarty…
MORIARTY: Owwwwwww.
GRYTPYPE: …Schlapper Royal
and noted amateur postman.[24]
MORIARTY: Hoowww do you
doooo. Hoowww do you dooooo.
SEAGOON: The voice came
from a thin, heavily oiled, Lisle Street Frenchman.[25]
His suit was a
MORIARTY: (slurps)
GRYTPYPE: Inspector, we
seek the long lost heir to the Spon fortune of forty thousand pounds.
SEAGOON: Have you any clue
to his identity?
GRYTPYPE: He has a habit of
leaping off leather omnibuses and punching people up the conk.
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic
link.
SEAGOON: Gad! There's just
a chance that this might be the 'up-the-conk-puncher'.
ORCHESTRA: Police
detective link.
MORIARTY: (Engine noises) Bbbbbbbbb – beep beep!
Owwww owwww – beep beep! Brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb – owwwww. Brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb…
GRYTPYPE: Moriarty?
MORIARTY: Mm? (Applies the brakes) Yuuyuyuyuyuyoo!
GRYTPYPE: Moriarty, how
many times have I told you not to drive that leather omnibus round the bedroom
in broad daylight. You know these blinds are drawn – they're not real. [26]
MORIARTY: I was only
practising my leap and conk punching.
GRYTPYPE: Yes, I quite
understand Moriarty. Now, did you put the advert in The Times?
MORIARTY: Yes, here – read
it…
GRYTPYPE: Let me see.
MORIARTY: … from left to
right, the new style.
GRYTPYPE: Ah. How
appropriate – they've put it in the fourth leader. (Reads) “Don't
risk being punched up the conk. Wear a Moriarty nose protector. Now available
in flesh tint plastic. Send ten shilling postal order for free receipt.”
Splendid! Well, according to the
MORIARTY: Dark? What ideal
conditions for night!
GRYTPYPE: Yes! A few more
punch up the conk attacks and the orders will start rolling in, Moriarty.
GRYTPYPE & MORIARTY: (Laughter)
MORIARTY: Right. Tonight we
start punch-up-the-conking!
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic
link.
SEAGOON: I called an all
night meeting, but held it in the day because the light was better.
OMNES: (General rhubarbs, scrampsons and murmurs.)
SEAGOON: Now gentlemen –
where’s the head of the river police?
GRAMS: Large
splash.
LITTLE JIM: He's fallen in
der water.[27]
SEAGOON: Thank you Sir
Lawrence.[28]
Gentlemen, I'm of the opinion that the heir to the Spon fortune and the punch-up-the-conker
are one and the same person.
OFFICER:[29] How can two
people be one person Sir?
SEAGOON: It's all done under
cover of darkness. Therefore until further notice, all people showing signs of
darkness will be searched.
ELLINGTON: (Distant) I object!
SEAGOON: Silence
Ellington. Give us the old calypso banana boat song while we slip round the
back for the old Marlon Brando there.[30]
GRAMS: Massed
boots running off.
RAY ELLINGTON – “Banana Boat Song” [31]
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic
Police Detective link.
NARRATOR:
GRAMS: Big
Ben striking midnight. Vary the speed.
SEAGOON: (Approaches whistling ‘Maybe it’s Because
I’m a Londoner’ over.)
FX: Footsteps
approaching.
SEAGOON: Evening, Doxon of
Dick Green.[32]
Anything to report?
P.C. DOXON:[33] Ahh… ahhh yes.
Ahh… ahhh… I was – ahh… ahhhhh...(fades)
FX: Body hitting the ground.
SEAGOON: Good Heavens!
He's collapsed in the direction of pavement. Just as I thought – the Constable's
nose protector has been severely dented and there's a finger print of a boxing
glove on it. Quick – give him some air! Undo the buttons on his boots.
P.C. DOXON: Ahh. I want to be
buried in my socks or I…[34]
SEAGOON: Here my poor man,
swallow this bottle of smelling salts. Steady now – just sit in the direction
of up and tell me what happened.
P.C. DOXON: I felt alright sir
until some idiot made me swallow a bottle of smelling salts.
SEAGOON: Quick Sergeant –
after him!
SERGEANT:[35] Mydargharroidarlwaa! (Self fade)
FX: Single pair of boots running off into
distance.
SEAGOON: Now Bowser,[36]
when I arrived here you were lying in the gutter. Why?
P.C. DOXON: I was off duty
Sir.
SEAGOON: I trust it's
different when you’re on duty?
P.C. DOXON: Oh yes sir. Then
I lie on the pavement.
SEAGOON: That's better.
FX: Telephone rings. Receiver picked up.
SEAGOON: Hello? What? Yes!
FX: Received down.
SEAGOON: Bowser – great
news! A leather omnibus has been discovered grievously injured. It collided
with a lead tricycle on the roof of the
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic
link.
SEAGOON: Gentlemen, the
mystery assailant is now immobilised. There's only one place he can get a new
leather omnibus.
OFFICER: [38]
Where?
SEAGOON: Men – surround
Crun's factory! And wear your nose protectors.
CAST: (Excited muttering.)
ORCHESTRA: Badly
played Detective link. End with cymbal snap.
GRAMS: Recording - GREENSLADE: “This is the
Light Service of the BBC Home
Programme. Here is
the neen o'clock noise. To date, the forty-thousand pounds due to the heir of
Spon is still unclaimed. (Fades) The only clue to the missing heir is that he
always rides in a leather omnibus....”
BLOODNOK: Oooah!, Oooerrr! Oh,
did you hear that Gladys darling?
GLADYS:[39] Yes darling.
BLOODNOK: If I can get a
leather omnibus I could pass myself off as the heir of Spon and collect forty-thousand
naughty pounds.
GLADYS: Cor blimey!
BLOODNOK: Gladys darling,
this is the moment I've been waiting for. All these years I've lived off you – you've
lent me money, bought me suits and never asked for a penny back.
GLADYS: Not a penny…
BLOODNOK If I get this forty-thousand
pounds, at least I can afford to run away from you.
GRAMS: Penguin
sounds.
BLOODNOK: Ellington – let
that Penguin out will you!
ELLINGTON: Yes Major.
BLOODNOK: Yes, now lay out
your pugree,[40] your
dhoti [41]
and your loin cloth.
ELLINGTON: Oh good. Am I
going out?
BLOODNOK: No – I am. And
lay out one boot…
ELLINGTON: Why?
BLOODNOK: I'm going to hop
to where the leather omnibus factory lives.
ORCHESTRA: Eccles
‘Hopping’ Concerto in C.
SEAGOON: Meanwhile in a
sleeping
GRAMS: Various
timepieces ticking out of sequence. Add
various different clocks striking – from small Swiss time-pieces, cuckoo
clocks, to a couple of large grandfather clocks. Add in a broody chicken,
tubular bells, and finish off with a pneumatic car horn.
BLUEBOTTLE: What time is it,
Eccles?
ECCLES: Um, just a minute
– I got it written down here on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time
down for me this morning.
BLUEBOTTLE: Oh! Then why do
you carry it around with you Eccles?
ECCLES: Well – um, if
anybody asks me the time I can show it to them.
BLUEBOTTLE: Wait a minute
Eccles my good man…
ECCLES: What is it
fellow?
BLUEBOTTLE: It's writted on
this bit of paper what is
ECCLES: I know that my
good fellow. That's right – when I asked the fella to write it down it was
BLUEBOTTLE: Well then supposing
when somebody asks you the time it isn't
ECCLES: Well then I don't
show it to them.
BLUEBOTTLE: Ooh. (Thinks) Well, how do you know when it's
ECCLES: I got it written
down on a piece of paper.
BLUEBOTTLE: Oh I wish I could
afford a piece of paper with the time writted on. Here Eccles – let me hold
that piece of paper to my ear would you… Here – this piece of paper ain't
going!
ECCLES: What? I've been
sold a forgery!
BLUEBOTTLE: No wonder it
stopped at
ECCLES: Ohhh – yeah... what's
it called…
BLUEBOTTLE: My Grandma.
ECCLES: Ohh. Wait a minute
– how does she know when it's eight o'clock?
BLUEBOTTLE: She's got it
written down on a piece of paper.[42]
SEAGOON: Alright, a man
has just gone into Crun's factory.
BLUEBOTTLE & ECCLES: Oooowwwwahuoooo!
SEAGOON: If he comes out
driving a leather omnibus, arrest him.
BLUEBOTTLE: Is this man
armed?
SEAGOON: Armed and legged.
BLUEBOTTLE & ECCLES: Ohhh! Yeah!
GRAMS: Sound
of a bus driving in low gear.
SEAGOON: (Whispers) Psst! Here he comes. Quick
Eccles, do an imitation of a bus stop.
GRAMS: Sound
of a bus pulling up. Brakes squeak
etc.
ECCLES: Stop! Stop bus!
BLOODNOK: (Approaching) I'm sorry. This is a
private bus.
SEAGOON: Come out with
your hands up and your legs down.
BLOODNOK: What? I'm the
heir to the Spon fortune.
SEAGOON: That's him! The
dreaded punch-up-the-conker is brought to book. Take him men.
BLUEBOTTLE: Hit hit.
ECCLES: Hit hit.
BLUEBOTTLE: Hit hit hit
HIT!!! End of hitting.
ORCHESTRA: Tatty
chord in C.
BLUEBOTTLE: Thank you.
ECCLES: Ta.
SEAGOON: Yes folks.
Bloodnok is now doing a hundred years imprisonment and lucky he didn't get
life.
BLOODNOK: What! I deny it
all…
GREENSLADE: And thus another
glorious miscarriage of justice was perpetrated.
BLOODNOK: It's a lie I tell
you… what!
GREENSLADE: Grytpype and
Moriarty, for their nose protectors were each given a knighthood and a spare
pair of trousers
MORIARTY: Owww – saved the
day.
GREENSLADE: Sic transit
gloria, or in English – goodnight!
ORCHESTRA: Closing
theme.
GREENSLADE: That was the Goon
Show, a BBC recorded program featuring Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and Spike
Milligan. With the Ray Ellington Quartet. Max Geldray and the orchestra conducted
by Wally Stott. Script by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens, announcer Wallace
Greenslade. The programme produced by Pat Dixon.
ORCHESTRA: Playout.
YTI
[1] William Topaz McGonagall (1825-1902)
was a Scottish poet of such appalling talent that ‘he backed unwittingly into
genius.’ Milligan developed a great fondness for his verses, often imitating
his weak vocabulary, inappropriate imagery and clumsy rhythms with Goonish
verses of his own. Two notable occasions are in “The
[2] Milligan in Spriggs’ voice.
[3] Cockney rhyming slang. ‘Piano’ is
pronounced ‘piana’ in
[4] This ‘walloping’ of Willium was a
characteristic of the early series. One of the few instances we have left is
from ‘The Missing
[5] Here Milligan says faintly “On his legs!”
I am not sure whether Spike finishes his line for him or just interjected. The
lurgi and the nadgers were two of many fake diseases Milligan wrote about. The
list of disease shows are – ‘Lurgi
Strikes
[6] Sellers. (This is a take off of Sgt.
Joe Friday from the long running radio and TV series ‘Dragnet’.)
[7] ‘Fabian of the Yard’ was possibly
the first police drama made for British TV, based on the memoirs of real life
Scotland Yard detective Inspector Robert Fabian. It had aired on BBC from
1954-1955. This and the following eighteen lines were cut from the
transcription service version.
[8] ‘Laura’
the theme from the 1945 film, was one of Milligan’s favourite melodies. He
christened his eldest daughter in memory of it.
[9] Two things stood out about Geldray
(1916-2004); his extraordinary jazz playing and his nose, which was often the
butt of Spike’s jokes.
[10] By Swift & James 1929. A classic
early jazz standard sung by Sinatra, Fitzgerald and Sammy Davis Jr. &c.
[11] Milligan burps audibly off mic.
Secombe corpses and says “We should have had them afters.”
[12] I am not sure, but Secombe could be
singing a line from “An
I love ev’ry mouse in that old-fashioned
house,
In
the street that runs up hill and down;
Each
stone and each stick, ev’ry cobble and brick
In
that quaint little old-fashioned town.
[13] …which of course is a reference to ‘The Moon Show’ – the previous episode in
which Seagoon also tries to wax lyrical.
[14] This was a recent hit by
[15] Milligan (as Minnie) interjects, “Lawks a mercy, he’s losing his reason!”
[16] ‘In
the Mood’ – Razaf &
[17] Dan Leno – (George Galvin,
1860-1904) was a Victorian music hall comedian and dancer. He was a brilliant
clog dancer, but moved on later in his career to doing comic characters
including pantomime dames. He was considered the greatest music hall artist of
his era, and the precursor of Charlie Chaplain, Buster Keaton and Laurel and
Hardy.
[18] Milligan’s bout of
Sphenisciformology lasts for the remainder of the 7th series, and
sees him write scenes for a company of military penguins (‘Round the World in Eighty Days,’) and singing penguins (‘Insurance, the White Man’s Burden.’) The Monty Python team
also suffered from the same ‘ology’ in their 3rd series.
[19] Harry Roy (1900-1971) was a British
dance band leader and clarinettist. His was the most popular band in
[20] This is how Sellers reads the line.
He was probably mistaken.
[21] Sellers.
[22] Dick Turpin (1705-1739) –
highwayman, cut throat, rogue and murderer was eventually hanged and buried in
[23] Milligan. The voice is his usual
imitation of a slightly breathless upper-class twit.
[24] One of the inner joys of the Goon
Shows is Moriarty’s nickname, which fluctuates from show to show and series to
series. So far this series he has been nicknamed ‘reeking,’ ‘legs,’ ‘knees’ and
on five occasions ‘thighs’.
[25] Lisle Street in
[26] Milligan waits for the audience to
get the joke and comments (slightly off
mic) “Give them time… Thank you. Thank you. Here they come one by one.”
[27] This time – (the third show in which
it is used,) the line gets applause.
[28] He refers most probably to Sir
Lawrence Olivier, English actor and director, (1907-1989) known for his
beautifully phrased delivery and impeccable timing.
[29] Milligan, in the usual upper-class
twit voice he reserved for petty minded bureaucrats.
[30] The
name of the Hollywood heart-throb was becoming
[31] This ‘The Banana Boat Song’ is not the one generally known by this title
nowadays. This version is now known as ‘Hill
and Gully Rider.’ Both songs come from the same Trinidadian folk song
tradition, and both hit the billboard charts at the end of 1956 – this version
performed by ‘The Tarriers’ while the
other (and more enduring version) sung by Harry Belafonte.
[32] Milligan is playing on the title of
the successful BBC television series ‘
[33] Milligan. This is precisely the same
voice he uses for the Officer in ‘The
Great Bank Robbery’ who, under the influence of Benzedrine, performs a
startling act of vocal-velocity.
[34] Milligan doesn’t finish the line.
[35] Sellers
[36] I am not certain, but there is a
possibility that Milligan was referring to ‘Bowser
the Hound,’ a 1920’s children’s book by Thornton Burgess (1874-1965.)
Bowser loved to track someone who would lead him on a long, merry chase.
Burgess created ‘Peter Rabbit’ among
many, many other delightful children’s characters.
[37] Founded in 1857, it was originally
part of the
[38] Milligan.
[39] Milligan. This is the feminine
version of ‘Throat.’
[40] An Indian headdress. In Hindi it is
spelt ‘pagri’.
[41] An Indian sarong.
[42] One of the great comedy scenes of
the twentieth century. It ranks with the Marx Brother’s ‘Tutsi Fruitsy Ice Cream’ scene from ‘A Day at the Races,’ Abbot & Costello’s “Who’s on First?’ from
‘The Naughty Nineties,’ and the
Python’s ‘Dead Parrot Sketch’ as
being one of the extraordinary pieces of comedy creation ever written. It comes
from a tradition in which comedians used nothing onstage but words – a
tradition which modern cartooning has obliterated. It is totally self
contained, brilliantly thought out, thoroughly well characterised, and is the
sort of scene which makes you recognise the possibilities of comedy as an art
form.