GOON SHOW: TLO 92346
6TH SERIES: No 11
BROADCAST: 29 Nov 1955 
Script by Spike Milligan
GREENSLADE: This is the BBC Home Service.
ORCHESTRA: Thin chord in C. Cymbal snap.
GREENSLADE: What a beautiful melody.
SEAGOON: Glad you like it, Mister Greensleeves. It's the start of my great new Symphony Number Eight. 
SEAGOON: Yes. Play it again lads.
ORCHESTRA: As before.
SEAGOON: Thank you lads. You'll be pleased to note that I also wrote "The Blue Danube Waltz."
GREENSLADE: And what about Johann Strauss? 
SEAGOON: Yes, I wrote that as well. But enough of me – and believe me there is enough of me. (Laughs) HAHAHA! Ahem. Listen now to the tale of "The Lost Colony."
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic introduction.
SELLERS: It was the spring of nineteen krid-naught hundred and
thews. The place – the Karl Marx room at the Athenaeum Club in
GRAMS: Recording: MILLIGAN: (Maniacal laughter) Ooh hahahaie! Oohh
FX: Single gunshot.
GREENSLADE: You have just heard the Right Honourable R.A. Butler on the financial prospects for the coming year.
SEAGOON: Well, well, well. Well, as I was saying, I said, “Sir
Bernard, why not tie a gold plated Rolls Royce round her neck and throw her off
LORD KNEES: Why did you say that?
SEAGOON: I haven’t the slightest idea.
LORD CRINGINGNUT: I say, do you always make rash statements?
SEAGOON: Only to people with rashes. The woods are full of them you know.
LORD CRINGINGNUT: Full of what?
SEAGOON: Trees. (Laughs) HAHAHAHAHA! Trees! Woods are full of trees. A-hem. Well I think I'll nip down to the stock exchange and buy a few thousand shares in plastic and twill dustbins.
LORD KNEES: It's all right you buying these magnificent simulation shares, Seagoon, but what about the Empire? – it's falling to pieces old man.
SEAGOON: Gad yes Lord Knees, you're right. The Empire is in a state. (Declaims) Oh cruel fate of a fallen giant…
GRYTPYPE: (Approaching) Pardon me, sir, I couldn't help overhearing what you said.
SEAGOON: Why not?
GRYTPYPE: You're so blasted noisy.
SEAGOON: Steady, flunky. Who are you?
GRYTPYPE: My card.
SEAGOON: McCard. A Scotsman, eh? Hmm... Oh! Your card – I see. Mister Hercules Grytpype-Thynne, professional patriot, reasonable fees, will travel anywhere, own Union Jack, naked for pantomime.
GRYTPYPE: I can help you gentlemen reclaim portions of the Empire.
GRYTPYPE: Yes, even that. But gentlemen of the Athenaeum Club, we shall need funds. Money!
GRAMS: Boots running away.
FX: Distant door slams.
SEAGOON: The cowards! They've all run away. I stayed… Good job you grabbed me.
GRYTPYPE: Good man. Now Lord Seagoon, I've been told that you have certain monies.
SEAGOON: Money? Me? (Laughs) Hehehehe! Rubbish!
GRYTPYPE: Empty your pockets.
FX: Drop a load of odds and ends.
SEAGOON: That's the key to my uncle's safe.
GRYTPYPE: A safe? Moriarty!
FX: Coconut shells approaching.
MORIARTY: Yes, yes?
GRYTPYPE: Wax impression.
SEAGOON: Wait! Who is this steaming French wreck?
MORIARTY: Sapristi nyuckles!  Have you never heard of the Champs Élysées?
SEAGOON: Yes. Why?
MORIARTY: My mother! – better known to you as
SEAGOON: I warn you, I never miss.
FX: Boots on gravel; three footsteps. Pistol shot. Pause. Second pistol shot. Pause. Third pistol shot.
SEAGOON: (distant) Shall we reload?
MORIARTY: Thank you – (they wish to know that), no! But I accept your apology.
GRYTPYPE: Are you still interested in the Empire, Neddie?
SEAGOON: Gad, yes. I'd give anything to see the Union Jack
GRYTPYPE: Neddie, let me tell you a tale. In sixteen twenty-six
a Dutchman bought the land on which
SEAGOON: What were they?
GRYTPYPE: A piece of brown string, eleven pence in notes, a Mickey Mouse watch, remains of a small boiled chicken and a life-sized statue of Sabrina.
SEAGOON: The very things I had in my pocket!
GRYTPYPE: Yes, it means Neddie that you are a direct descendant of the red Indian who sold the land.
SEAGOON: What?! You mean, my ancestors owned
GRYTPYPE: Yes, and you know what
SEAGOON: Forty thousand million billion dollars.
GRYTPYPE: Correct. How did you know?
SEAGOON: Just a shot in the dark.
MORIARTY: Forty thousand million billion dollars? That money must be worth a fortune!
SEAGOON: Well, to think that they sold all that for a piece of brown string, eleven pence in notes, a Mickey Mouse watch, remains of a small boiled chicken, a life sized…
GRYTPYPE: Yes, yes, yes, but what you don't know is that the
man who bought
MORIARTY: Yes, and furthermore Neddie, he died without any heirs.
SEAGOON: He died bald?
MORIARTY: Yes, but only from the waist up.
GRYTPYPE: Well said.
SEAGOON: Yes it was, wasn't it?
GRYTPYPE: Neddie, (and this is most significant), it has been
discovered that the sale of
SEAGOON: GAD! There, I said it well again.
GRYTPYPE: Yes. It all means, of course, that
SEAGOON: Me? Then I must be a Red Indian!
GRYTPYPE: That's it, Neddie. I'll prove it to you. Put your finger in your cake hole and wobble it about.
SEAGOON: (Indian war-whoops.) OoOoOoOoOo!
GRYTPYPE: There, you speak the language fluently.
SEAGOON: Yes, I do. (Louder war-whoop.) OoOoOoOoOo!
GRYTPYPE: Ha ha ha! No swearing yet.
SEAGOON: Now, what next?
GRYTPYPE: Well, you must dress like an Indian. Take off those Welsh goatskins and wash the woad off.
SEAGOON: Yes, all right! Ha ha! Oh, watch the old tenor’s...
FX: Drop bits of cutlery one by one onto floor.
SEAGOON: Oh there it is – the old tenor’s friend. Gad, I say, this is fun! Ha ha! Whoop! There, down to my birthday suit.
MORIARTY: No man can look like that and live!
GRYTPYPE: Right, now stick this feather behind your ear and put on this Indian loin cloth.
SEAGOON: (Attempts Indian war-whoop) Aaaghaagh! (Sudden stabbing pain) Ooo! Come on! Who's the joker who put a thistle in it?
MORIARTY: Tell me little Neddie, can you paddle a zinc bathtub?
SEAGOON: Like a native.
MORIARTY: Good! You are going to make the cheapest Atlantic
SEAGOON: Not before I've heard Max Geldray play his leather ear-ack and graphite dog beard!
MORIARTY: Well said.
MAX GELDRAY - “Baia” 
GREENSLADE: That was Mister Max Geldray. Mister Geldray is always well supplied with work by his agents. In fact his bank balance now stands at four-hundred and eighty pounds in bright red letters. Now, we return you to the story ‘The Lost Colony’.
ORCHESTRA: Nautical theme.
GRAMS: Ocean sounds. Oars in water, distant waves on beach.
SEAGOON: Yes, I paddled my zinc bath towards my rightful
heritage. After a mere thirteen months I entered the
GRYTPYPE: (Aside) What Neddie didn't know was an American company, the makers of Filth Muck the detergent with the lead bubbles, had offered a prize of twenty dollars to the first idiot to cross the Atlantic in a zinc bath dressed as a Red Indian.
SEAGOON: As I lay in hospital recovering from my trip, the phone rang…
SEAGOON: … in American.
FX: Phone rings. Snatched up.
SEAGOON: Hello, Grytpype?
GRYTPYPE: (On phone) Yes – but how did you know it was me before I spoke?
SEAGOON: Well, you're so tall...
GRYTPYPE: (On phone) So I am. But you too can be tall, Neddie. Buy my book, "How to be Three Inches Taller."
SEAGOON: Then what?
GRYTPYPE: (As before) Stand on it.
SEAGOON: Never mind those subtle jokes. What about
GRYTPYPE: Yes, well you see there's been a bit of a brouhaha, Neddie.
SEAGOON: What what what what what what what what?
SEAGOON: But I haven't got a legal tussle. My folks were poor!
GRYTPYPE: Never mind Neddie, the woods are full of them. But
first I must get you an astute lawyer. Anyway, meantime you must disguise
yourself as a beaver, swim cautiously up the
GRAMS: Large splash. Swimmer disappearing into distance.
SEAGOON: I struck out with my powerful trudgeon stroke. By dawn of the needle nardle noo I had reached the Indian reservation of Standing Room Only!
SEAGOON: (War whoops) OoOoOoOoOo!
BLOODNOK: (War whoops) OoOoOoOoOo-ahh arghh!
SEAGOON: Are you really a Red Indian?
BLOODNOK: What? Yes, yes.
SEAGOON: Are you really a Red Indian?
BLOODNOK: Yes-I, yes-I, I am. Yes.
SEAGOON: Then why does the red keep coming off your skin?
BLOODNOK: I'm anaemic, that's why. (War whoops) Aaarrgh OoOoOoOoOo! Now Grytpype tells me you want an Indian birth certificate.
SEAGOON: I do I do. (War whoops) OoOoOoOoOo!
BLOODNOK: (War whoops) Awwwaawarghhhaa! Now, let's commence the mystical initiation ceremony. Chief Trouble-iz?
CHIEF TROUBLE-IZ: Me here. You call? Needle-nardle-noo.
BLOODNOK: Start playing the ancient tom-tom.
CHIEF TROUBLE-IZ: Right.
ORCHESTRA: Flute solo. ‘Tom, Tom the Piper’s Son’.
BLOODNOK: Hey! That’s not a tom-tom. That’s a piper.
CHIEF TROUBLE-IZ: Yes – that Tom-tom the piper’s son.
BLOODNOK: I don’t wish to know that! Now, play that tom-tom or I’ll cancel your booking with Geraldo tonight. 
CHIEF TROUBLE-IZ: I play, cor-blimey.
ORCHESTRA: Tom-tom solo. Fade behind.
BLOODNOK: Aaahh. Oh brave Seagoon, step forward for the mystical initiation ceremony.
SEAGOON: (War whoops) OoOoOoOoOo!
BLOODNOK: (War whoops) Wooarghwoohghaa! Now – place a hundred dollars in the palm of your hand.
SEAGOON: (War whoops) OoOoOoOoOo!
BLOODNOK: Good. Now say after me – “this is your hundred dollars”.
SEAGOON: This is your hundred dollars.
GRAMS: Cash register. Coin in till. Cash drawer slams shut.
BLOODNOK: Ah, the old Jewish piano! Now, give me your wallet, will you? Thank you.
CHIEF TROUBLE-IZ: Look out, Bloodnok man – the police!
BLOODNOK: What! What!
FX: Single set of boots running away.
BLOODNOK: (Into distance) Ohhh arghhhh!
SEAGOON: Oh, it was a sad sight to see the noble red chief
running away from the horrors of the white man. But nevertheless, before he had
gone he had made me a full-blooded, half-breed, Welsh Red Indian.
I was now ready to claim
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic western link – Indian attack.
FX: Gavel on bench.
CYRILL: (Distant) Silence
in court! The twenty-fourth court of the
JUDGE: Gentlemeeeeeen…(Tambourine trill and snap.) …be seated! Now, is the counsel for Chief Ned Seagoon ready?
BANNISTER & CRUN: (Variously) Yes, we're coming buddy. Oh dear.
JUDGE: C'mon, hurry up then. I've got a robbery to do at three.
CRUN: We have to get the documents you know.
BANNISTER: Must have the documents…
CRUN: Oh yes, the documents have got to be got.
BANNISTER: Yes, bravo Hen.
CRUN: Bravo, Min. You did bring them, Min, didn't you?
CRUN: The documents. You've got to have the documents.
BANNISTER: You've got to get them.
CRUN: You've got to get them, Min. (&c)
SEAGOON: (Narration) This then, was the great legal team, Bannister and Crun, who were to defend my claim. They were said to be the finest lawyers in Rockall.
CRUN: Chief Seagoon. Now what is this case all about?
SEAGOON: I'm a red Indian from
CRUN: And we're supposed to be defending you?
SEAGOON: Aye aye! (War whoops) OoOoOoOo!
CRUN: Your honour, we plead guilty but insane.
SEAGOON: I'm not insane!
CRUN: I'm not talking about you. I'm pleading guilty but insane. I repeat, we plead insanity.
ECCLES: (Distant) I object!
ECCLES: (Distant) That's my excuse.
CRUN: Who are you?
ECCLES: I'm the famous Eccles.
JUDGE: Oh, stop all this high-fallutin' talking, cor blimey. Chief Seagoon – state what you are claiming.
SEAGOON: I claim that
CAST: (Various cries of ‘No!’ “Get us out of here!’ etc)
RAY ELLINGTON QUARTET - "I Love To Ride" 
SEAGOON: That night in my cell I sat depressed. For three years I sat in darkness – I kept my eyes closed. But by tapping on the water pipes, I managed to converse with another prisoner.
GRAMS: Recording: Random tapping on pipes – make it sound tentative, add lots of echo. Slight pause. Distant reply on pipes just as tentative with echo.
SEAGOON: In time we got quite friendly and had some quite chatty conversations.
GRAMS: Recording: Tapping on pipes at high speed. Lots of echo.
SEAGOON: For three years he and I communicated by tapping on
the water pipes. It was all very silly really – we were both in the same cell.
So in time I was paroled. My first thoughts were of revenge against
BLUEBOTTLE: I will be your brave friend, my captain. Enter Bluebottle making sign to audience for applause. I'll have to learn some more signs like that.
SEAGOON: Little clever finger manipulator, let me tell you who I am.
SEAGOON: I'm great Red Indian chief Ned Seagoon.
BLUEBOTTLE: What, a Red Indian? Bang-bang, you're dead! I am Indian scout of the plains and prairies, Blunebottle. Bange-bange, you’re dead. You’re now writhing on the ground. It’s all up with you Red Chief devil. I am the fearless lion-hearted Blunebottle, brave killer of Indians. Bang… (Terror) Eiaaaooh! There's a caterpillar crawling up my neck!
SEAGOON: Don’t worry, I’ll get David Attenborough to take it
Now, little East Finchley cardboard wreck, help me blow up
BLUEBOTTLE: Ohhohhh! Well, dolly mixtures? Ooiyouhyngying! Thinks – with those type sweets my teacher Miss Gringe will keep me in after school. They think that would be a good game. He he he he!
SEAGOON: Bluebottle – stop those naughty thinks. Give me back those sweets. Now, where did you say this Miss Gringe lives?
BLUEBOTTLE: Oh-oooooo! I will not tell you where Miss Gringe is. You shall not harm a hair on her head.
SEAGOON: Why not?
BLUEBOTTLE: She's bald!
SEAGOON: Come lad, enough of this.
BLUEBOTTLE: I'll go and get a pump.
SEAGOON: With dynamite, lad!
BLUEBOTTLE: Ohhh, ‘ere we go again! I'm frightened to do it alone.
SEAGOON: Oh, if only there was another idiot.
ECCLES: (Singing) Close the door, they're coming through the window,
close the door, they're coming up the stairs,
close the roof, they're coming through the ceiling,
GRAMS: Series of bizarre sound effects at high speed.
ECCLES: (Singing) … are everywhere.
SEAGOON: Eccles, help Bluebottle with this dynamite.
ECCLES: Ok, I'll get it onto his back.
BLUEBOTTLE: No, I must not carry that. I'm the superior type brains I have got. You carry it, you're less clever than me.
ECCLES: Oh no I ain't. I'm clever. I got it up here.
BLUEBOTTLE: All right then, we will have a great test of brains. Whoever loses carries the box of dynamite.
ECCLES: Fine, fine, fine. We'll see who's clever.
BLUEBOTTLE: Yes, we will.
ECCLES: We'll see who carries the box.
ECCLES: Go on then. Give me a tricky question.
BLUEBOTTLE: All right then, I will. I'll give you a tricky one. What is one plus one?
ECCLES: (Pause. Sounds of straining.) That's got the box on my back. Hey, wait, wait a minute! You haven't answered a question from me yet.
BLUEBOTTLE: Give me one! My great brain is pounding.
ECCLES: Okay! (Aside) This'll
get him, folks. (
BLUEBOTTLE: Um – Lloyd George. 
ECCLES: It's a good job for you knew.
BLUEBOTTLE: Yes, yes I did.
ECCLES: Let that be a lesson to you.
SEAGOON: All right men, enough of this intellectual sparring.
Now, take this dynamite down to the
BLUEBOTTLE: Yes, follow me!
ORCHESTRA: Boys Brigade bugle call segue into dramatic link.
SEAGOON: At five to midnight I lay in my penthouse. Five minutes more, and I the red man will have revenged himself! (Maniacal laughter)
GRYTPYPE: Calm down Neddie. You’ve got nothing to worry about – your records are selling well. 
SEAGOON: Yes, the woods are full of them. 
MORIARTY: (Aside) Grytpype, what is the plan for this Charlie?
GRYTPYPE: Simple, Moriarty. The moment he blows up
FX: Phone rings
GREENSLADE: (On phone) Hello, Chief Seagoon?
SEAGOON: (War whoops) OoOoOoOoOoOo!
phone) Good. British Consul,
SEAGOON: How do you do Mr
phone) Oh, fine, Jim. Fine, fine, thank you very much, Jim. Now, on the
point of law, the
SEAGOON: What? I'm rich! Rich! I'm rich… No! No, wait, wait!
FX: Frantic attempts to make phone connection.
SEAGOON: Hello? Get me Bluebottle! Bluebottle! Bluebottle, don't light the fuse under...
GRAMS: Enormous series of explosions. Collapsing masonry, bricks falling.
GREENSLADE: Listeners will be relieved to learn that
what they are hearing is not really
ORCHESTRA: Violin solo, “Hearts and Flowers”.
BLUEBOTTLE: Put me down you rotten swine you. You have deaded me. I'm shattered and my beautiful cardboard sailor hat is all singed.
SEAGOON: Rest in pieces, little nurk. Your lot is better than
mine. I, who have wilfully destroyed
CHIEF TROUBLE-IZ: Hmm. Me buyum. Me by wasteland, cor blimey.
SEAGOON: A Red Indian! Er… what'll you give me for it? Ten dollars? Fifty dollars?
CHIEF TROUBLE-IZ: Nope. Me give you (and I quote early part of show) – a piece of string, eleven pence in notes, a Mickey Mouse watch, some boiled chicken...
SEAGOON: (Screaming) Oh no! No! No!
ORCHESTRA: End theme.
GREENSLADE: That was the Goon Show, a BBC recorded programme featuring Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and Spike Milligan, with the Ray Ellington Quartet and Max Geldray. The orchestra was conducted by Wally Stott, script by Spike Milligan, announcer Wallace Greenslade, the programme produced by Peter Eton.
ORCHESTRA: Theme up and out. Playout.
 Confusingly, many of the Goon Shows carry twin titles, with the
announced title at variance with the episode title. In the case of this show,
both titles relate to American historical tales. In 1625 Dutch fur trading
settlements along the Hudson river began construction of a defence structure
named Fort Amsterdam on the southern tip of Manhattan Island, making their
appropriation of native land legal the following year by ‘purchasing’ the land
from a local tribe for trade goods to the value of 60 guilders. The actual
items are listed in a letter to the directors of the East India Company dated
November 1626; they include a duffel, cauldrons, axes, hoes, awls, Jews’ harps
and wampum (currency-beads.) What gives the story relevance in the 50’s was
that the US Congress had instituted a Commission in 1946 to adjudicate Native
Americans’ claims against the federal government for centuries of treaty
violations, fraudulent land cessions and financial mismanagement. All claims
were expected to be presented before the end of 1956. In the case of claims
The ‘Lost Colony’ refers to the second of Sir Walter Raleigh’s
 Milligan moved in a cosmopolitan world of
The eighth symphony, for example, is not an idle joke. It is a reference to the composer Ralph Vaughan Williams, (1872-1958). Considered the ‘grand old man’ of English music, his Eighth Symphony was in the process of completion as this episode went to air. The advent of a new work by Vaughan Williams (it was premiered the following May), was considered a matter of national significance in the 50’s, with the BBC and many highbrow journals and newspapers reporting on the imminent event.
 Johann Strauss (1825-1899), the Austrian composer of light music, operetta and song, was the most celebrated composer of his day. His waltz ‘An der schönen blauen Donau’ was composed in 1866.
 Situated at 107 Pall Mall,
Commercial Road is in the East End of London and was created in the 1840’s as part of a slum clearance programme. Businesses considered too noisy or noisome for the city were encouraged to open premises there.
Karl Marx (1818-1883) was the German
political theorist and founder of modern communism who had emigrated to
 For R.A.Butler (1902-1982) the chancellor of the Exchequer, who had
once looked like a Prime Minister in the making, an austere winter lay ahead.
After gifting the British electors with income tax cuts the previous spring, he
had been forced to reign in an overheating economy by passing a crisis budget
at the beginning of November, depressing the demand for goods and services and
putting a dampener on spiralling wages. The price of local telephone calls rose
30%; sales tax was raised in some cases to 50%; there was a 5% hike in the tax
on dividends, and the housing subsidy was slashed heavily. As Time Magazine
said – “
 Milligan is alluding to Sir Bernard Docker – chairman of British Daimler, and his wife Lady Norah Docker – former dancing hostess and social climber. Lady Docker’s complete disregard of the restrictions of the social status she had married into caused her husband quite a deal of embarrassment, when in 1955 it was reported that Lady Norah had lashed out at an employee of the Monte Carlo Casino. “It was a good sock I gave that man,” she bragged, “and he deserved it.” Lady Norah encouraged her husband to build show cars – the “Golden Daimler” limousine in 1951; “Blue Clover” (a two door sportsman coupe) in 1952; “Silver Flash” (based on a 3-litre Regency chassis) in 1953; and “Stardust” (based on the DK400 chassis) in 1954. Each vehicle was literally covered in gold plate. Sir Bernard was relieved of his position at Daimler the following year.
 In a foot note on p.56 of ‘Hitler:
My Part in his Downfall’ Spike noted that he owned a Mickey Mouse watch
which he had won in a colouring contest, having put his age down as eleven.
Mickey Mouse watches were first manufactured in 1933 by the Ingersoll Waterbury
Clock Company of
 What do you know! Sabrina (born 1936 and originally named Norma
Sykes), from Stockport,
 A quick by-play occurs here. Seagoon says: “Yukkabakkaka”. Moriarty replies: “Sapristi-yukkabakkaka to you too!” before continuing.
 As far as I am able to tell, the ‘tenor’s friend’ was a sharpened piece of metal which, when applied to the bottom, enabled tenors to reach the top notes. Another on-line source explains it as a tenor’s genitalia. The clack of metal when this piece of equipment hits the floor makes me doubt this explanation.
 Written in 1938 by the Brazilian composer and arranger Ary Barroso
(1903-1964), the full title is ‘Na Baixa
do Sapateiro’, and it was one of the many sambas introduced to the
 Neddie was not the first to cross the
 A running gag in this scene is that Bloodnok’s war whoops become gradually sillier and sillier, until they sound nothing like war whoops at all. This was a very characteristic Sellers touch – the inauthentic amateur.
 I suspect that this line was aimed not at Native Americans, but at the West Indian immigrants appearing on British Streets in the mid fifties. Mostly male, without family or stable income, many of these immigrants congregated in ghettos in inner city suburbs, formed gangs, developed relationships with white prostitutes, and displayed a general distain for sobriety and the law. White hysteria concerning immigration reached fever pitch in the next decade, not helped by police statements such as “…niggers are in the main pimps and layabouts, living off what we pay in taxes.” (Maureen Cain – 1973).
 Ellington. Other transcriptions have the name as ‘Troublitz’. I suspect that Milligan was parodying the saying: “The chief trouble is…”
 Geraldo was the British band leader Gerald Walcan Bright
(1903-1974). A child prodigy he ran away from home at the age of 16 to play in
a ship’s band, graduating from there to leading small dance band groups in the
20’s, touring Europe and Latin America, taking on a new name and forming his
own ensemble at the Savoy called the ‘Geraldo
Gaucho Tango Band’ in the 30’s. In the 40’s he became the supervisor of
bands for the Entertainment National Service Association and his band
entertained soldiery throughout Europe, North Africa and the
 Milligan again used this idea concerning Ned’s welsh background in the next series – ‘Drums Along The Mersey’ (2/7th).
 Yiddish slang for ‘beggar’ or ‘moocher’. Groucho Marx uses the word in ‘A Night at the Opera’.
 Inexplicably, Sellers sings the last five words.
 Written by Bill Campbell, and possibly recorded by him in the late
40’s with his group ‘Bill Campbell and
 David Attenborough (1926 - ) had only recently begun to make a name for himself as the narrator (and later the star) of ‘Zoo Quest’, broadcast on BBC television between 1954 and 1963. In each programme Attenborough would attempt to capture an animal for the London Zoo, and while doing so introduce footage of the surrounding habitat, inhabitants and local customs. The series was wildly popular and established Attenborough’s career as a naturalist and broadcaster.
 Written by Ebb and Klein, it was a released by the vocal group ‘The Stargazers’ in 1954, going on to
reach number six in the
 David Lloyd George (1863-1945) was a Liberal politician – (well before they were in the gutter, see ‘The Pevensey Bay Disaster’ – 10/6th), who as an MP, controversially opposed the Boer War; was directly involved in the Parliament Act of 1911 in which the House of Lords lost their right of veto; became British Prime Minister in 1916 and was chief delegate to the Paris Peace Conference at the conclusion of WWI; secured the creation of the Irish Free State and was ultimately brought down by a scandal involving the selling of Peerages. He was responsible for the introduction of state financial support for the sick and infirm, known for decades afterwards as “going on the Lloyd George”.
 Philips B26205H: (78r.p.m.) ‘On with the Motley’ (Vesti la Giubba – from the Opera “Pagliacci” by Leoncavallo). Harry Secombe with Orchestra directed by Walter Stott. Two weeks after this episode Secombe’s recording entered the British charts at number 17 where it stayed for three weeks.
 This minor catch-phrase was making its third appearance. Milligan
had tried it out first in ‘The
 In one way this episode is strangely prophetic. On February 26,
1993, an Arabian immigrant, Ramzi Yousef and his Jordanian friend Eyad Ismoil,
parked a yellow commercial van in the public car park beneath the World Trade
This act of revenge against the
 English law required the public to pay 20 shillings a year for a radio licence - £1 in fact. A television licence cost £2 and a combined radio/television licence cost £3. Every separate radio in the house (including the car radio) had to have an individual licence.