THE AFFAIR OF THE LONE BANANA
GOON SHOW: TLO 65467
5TH SERIES: No 5
BROADCAST: 26 Oct 1954
Script by Spike Milligan
GREENSLADE: This is the BBC Home Service.
GRAMS: Jewish wailing.
SECOMBE: Yes indeed. To the gay music of
GRAMS: End of Rossini’s William Tell Overture. Speed up gradually to about
double.
GRAMS: Explosion. Falling glass. Collection of rubbish.
SECOMBE: And why not? (Calls) Mister Greenslade!
GREENSLADE: Yes, Master?
SECOMBE: Tell the masses what’s the play.
GREENSLADE: Ladies and Gentlemen…
SECOMBE: Thank you. Yes, it’s ladies and
gentlemen in ‘The Affair of the Lone Banana.’[1]
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic introduction. Hold under.
SELLERS: ‘The Affair of the Lone Banana’. Not
a pretty story I fear. Still, the BBC will but this cheap trash. However, the
central character in the story is young Fred Nerk. His father, Lord Marks, made
a fortune from the great Marks Laundry business, but then you’ve all heard of
laundry marks haven’t you? (Laugh &c)
Ha ha ha! Oh dear! Oh dear! But let us start this story from the beginning.
ORCHESTRA:
Bucolic countryside scene – flute and harp. Continue under.
GREENSLADE: The scene is the
country home of the Marks country home, Motzer Lodge. A mystery has been
committed – young Fred Nurk has vanished. Interrogating the residents is a man,
tall, dark, handsome, swashbuckling, handsome, intelligent...
ECCLES: This ain’t me folks – I come in later. Ha ha!
GREENSLADE: No, no! It’s Inspector Neddie Seagoon,
late of the eighteenth century and part inventor of the steam driven explodable
hairless toupee.
SEAGOON: (Fade in) Now
then my man, your name is…er…
SEAGOON: I understand. Don’t put that down
Sergeant.
THROAT: Right sir.
SEAGOON: Headstone, you are a footman.
SEAGOON: How lovely to be tall. Headstone, you
say Fred Nurk disappeared whilst having a boot of tea with his mother, Lady
Marks.
SEAGOON: What was he doing there?
SEAGOON: (Thinks)
Lady Marks. Where is her ladyship at the moment?
SEAGOON: I don’t wish to know that.
SEAGOON: (Calls) Greenslade! Send in Lady Marks, or that idiot gardener. He
might know something.
GREENSLADE: Right sir. (Brusquely – as if speaking to an idiot.) This way, you!
FX: Great heavy boots trudging
closer and closer.
SEAGOON: Ah! Lady Marks. Sit down.
LADY MARKS: Thank you.
ECCLES: I bet you all thought it was going to
be me. Ha ha ha!
SEAGOON: Lady Marks, your late husband owned a
banana plantation, yes?
LADY MARKS: In
SEAGOON: That’s abroad, isn’t it?
LADY MARKS: Well, it all depends on where you’re
standing.
SEAGOON: Now, let’s put is this way. Is it on
the tube?
LADY MARKS: (Coyly)
Oh, ah ha! You dear old fashioned thing you! (Laughs) Ha ha ha!
SEAGOON: Please madam, don’t be so evasive. If
LADY MARKS: Dear midget, of course it’s not on
the tube.
SEAGOON: Ah ha ha! Now you’re talking.
LADY MARKS: So are you. Isn’t it fun?
SEAGOON: Lady Marks, this is a tricky case. I
don’t think I can…
LADY MARKS: Inspector, you must find my son. You
must! I don’t care how much money you spend, in fact I’ll chip in a few bob
myself.
SEAGOON: The offer is tempting. Very well, I
accept. Just leave everything to me – your purse, jewels, cheque book, ginger
glass eye, war bonds, trombone…
GRAMS: Dramatic link. Segue into Arab Market link.
SELLERS: (Barton?)
At the British passport office in Whitechapel, Seagoon discovered that Fred
Nurk had left for
SEAGOON: That’s true. I waited for the ship to
return but he wasn’t on board. He must have got off… AT THE OTHER SIDE!
GRAMS & ORCHESTRA: Loud applause. Enthusiastic cries of bravo.
SEAGOON: Please! Please! Thank you! Thank you!
(Uncomfortable) Don’t make it sound
rehearsed. Ha hum. My next task was to book a ticket to
FX: Shop bell
CRUN: Mnk…mnk…grnk.
BANNISTER: (Distant)
Someone’s at the door buddy.
CRUN: Who is it? Who is it?
SEAGOON: Good morning.
CRUN: Thank you.
SEAGOON: I want to book to
CRUN: That’s abroad, isn’t it?
SEAGOON: Yes. (Laughing) It isn’t on the tube you know.
CRUN: Isn’t that wonderful? Whatever will they think of next, I
don’t know. Do sit down, sir.
SEAGOON: There aren’t any chairs.
CRUN: You can stand up if you wish.
SEAGOON: Thank you.
CRUN: No extra charge – it’s all on the house. Let’s get some
details and documents. We must have the documents you know… er – I’ll just take
a few particulars. Now let’s get the details and the documents. We must have
documents, you know.
SEAGOON: Of course.
CRUN: ….the documents. Ymnbnkbhm. Now, what was all this about?
Oh, yes, yes. Your name?
SEAGOON: Neddie Pugh Seagoon.
CRUN: (As if writing)
N – E – D – D – I – E… Neddie. What was next?
SEAGOON: Neddie Pugh Seagoon.
CRUN: Pugh. P – H – E – W.
SEAGOON: No, no, no! It’s pronounced Phew but
it’s spelt Pug.
CRUN: Pug… Pug – yes. P – U – G – H. There. Neddie Pugh Seajune –
wasn’t it?
SEAGOON: Yes. Seagoon. S – E – A – G – O – O –
N.
CRUN: Could you spell it?
SEAGOON: Certainly. S – E – A – G – O – O – N.
CRUN: Seagoon. S – E – A… mnk, mnk.
SEAGOON: G – O – O – N. Seagoon.
CRUN: O – O – N. Ah good, good good. There. (Snoring) Oh, yes,
yes, yes. The full name. Now then – address?
SEAGOON: No fixed abode.
CRUN: No F – I – X – E – D, fixed, A – B …
SEAGOON: A – B – O – D – E.
CRUN: …O – D – E. There we are. ‘No fixed abodey’. What number?
SEAGOON: Twenty-nine A.
CRUN: Twenty-nine A.
SEAGOON: Yes.
CRUN: Twenty-nine A. District?
SEAGOON:
CRUN: L – O – N – D – O – N, Southwest… E – S – T, two, wasn’t it.
SEAGOON: Yes, two.
CRUN: T – W… It’s no good. I’d better get a pencil and paper and
write all this down. Minnie! Minnie? Min, min, min, min, min, Minnie!
BANNISTER: (Distant)
I’m coming Henry. (Approaching) What
is it, Henry?
CRUN: A pencil please.
BANNISTER: There you are buddy buddy.
CRUN: Minnery,[3]
this gentleman is going to
BANNISTER: Ohh! Goodbye.
CRUN: That’s where young Fred Nurk went to.
SEAGOON: Fred Nurk?! That’s Fred Nurk’s name.
CRUN: Oh. Yes, he went in such a rush he left this behind.
SEAGOON: Let me see. A banana. A lone banana. (Aside) So, now my task was easier. I
knew that the man I was looking for was… ONE BANANA SHORT!
GRAMS & ORCHESTRA: Loud applause. Shouts of ‘Bravo’ etc. as
before.
GREENSLADE: As a tribute to Seagoon’s brilliant
deductive powers, Max Geldray will now play a loaded sackbut from the kneeling
position.
MAX GELDRAY
GREENSLADE: ‘The Affair of the Lone Banana’ –
chapter two. With the banana secreted on his person, Neddie Seagoon arrived at
the
MORIARTY: Hands up you pig-swine! (Spits)
SEAGOON: Have a care, Latin devil. I am an
Englishman. Remember, this rolled umbrella has more uses than one!
MORIARTY: (In
pain) Oooo!
SEAGOON: Sorry.
MORIARTY: Sapristi pompet!
SEAGOON: Now, what’s all this about?
MORIARTY: It is the revolution signor.
Everywhere there is an armed rising.
SEAGOON: Are you in it?
MORIARTY: Right in it. You see signor, the
United-anti-socialist-neo-democratic-pro-fascist-communist party is fighting to
overthrow the Unilateral-democratic-united-partison-bellicose-pacifist-cobelligerant-Tory-Labour-Liberal
party.[4]
SEAGOON: Whose side are you on?
MORIARTY: There are no sides. We are all in
this together. Now signor, if you don’t mind we must search you.
SEAGOON: What for?
MORIARTY: Bananas. You see signor, we Guatemalans
are trying to overthrow the foreign dominated banana plantations in this
country. Any foreigner found with a banana on him will be shot by a firing
squad and asked to leave the country.
SEAGOON: (Aside)
Curses! I must think quick. Little does he know I suspect him of foul play.
MORIARTY: (Aside)
Little does he know that I’ve never played with a fowl in my life.
SEAGOON: (Aside)
Little does he know that he has misconstrued the meaning of the word ‘foul’.
The word foul in my sentence was spelt F – O – U – L, not F – O – W – L as he
thought I has spelt it.
MORIARTY: (Aside)
Little does he know that I overheard his correction of my grammatical error and
I am now about to rectify it – aloud. (Aloud)
Ahem! So, you suspect me of foul play spelt F – O – U – L, not F – O – W – L.
SEAGOON: Yes, and you might as well know I’m
here to find young Fred Nurk.
MORIARTY: Sapristi nyuckles! That capitalistic
pig? He’s here, but you’ll never…
SEAGOON: Don’t move Signor Gonzales[5]
Mess, nee Moriarty. Hands up!
MORIARTY: Seagoon! Put that banana down.
SEAGOON: And leave myself defenceless?!
MORIARTY: Sapristi pompet.
SEAGOON: One step nearer and I fire.
MORIARTY: Ha, ha! You fool. You can’t fire a
banana!
FX: Two pistol shots.
MORIARTY: You swine! It was loaded.
SEAGOON: Of course. You don’t think I’d
threaten you with an unloaded banana do you? Now come on, tell me – where is
Fred Nurk?
MORIARTY: By my life I will never tell. Go on and
torture me, smash my skull in, break my bones. Put lighted matches under my fingers,
tear the flesh from my body, slice lumps off of my head…
FX: Thud of body falling
on the ground.
MORIARTY: (Calls)
Pancho?
SELLERS: (Distant)
Signor?
MORIARTY: The smelling salts. He’s fainted.
ORCHESTRA: Dramatic link.
SELLERS: (Spanish)
When the Englishman awoke, he found himself in a tall dark room with
sideboards. It was a prison cell.
SEAGOON: True, true. The only other occupant
was another occupant. Apart from that he was the only other person. He was
chained to the wall by a chain which was attached to the wall. He appeared to
be a man of breeding and intellect.
ECCLES: Hello dere!
SEAGOON: I was wrong. But wait – could he be
Fred Nurk?
ECCLES: Tell me, how’s your old dad?
SEAGOON: Do you recognise this banana?
ECCLES: Nope. I don’t think I’ve ever met him
before.
SEAGOON: Then, are you one banana short?
ECCLES: Nope. I ain’t one short.
SEAGOON: Curse! Then you’re not Fred Nurk.
ECCLES: Ohh! Ain’t I?
SEAGOON: No.
ECCLES: You mean that I’m somebody else?
SEAGOON: Yes.
ECCLES: Oooh! Who am I?
SEAGOON: What’s your name?
ECCLES: Eccles.
SEAGOON: That’s who you are.[6]
ECCLES: (Weeping)
Ooooooooo! Oooooo hoooooo!
SEAGOON: There, there! Don’t take it so hard.
Now, how can I get out of this place?
ECCLES: Ha! Well, there’s that door there.
SEAGOON: Right, I’m away. By dawn I’ll be
safe. (Laughs) Ha ha ha ha! Now’s the time for action. Nothing will stop me now. (Self fade) FAREWELL!
FX: Door opens and
closes.
GRAMS: Terrific fusillade of rifle fire, add in
machine gun behind.
FX: Door opens and
closes.
SEAGOON: (Panting)
It’s raining. Tell me – is there any other way out of here?
ECCLES: Would you care for something to eat?
SEAGOON: Ah! How about the window up there?
ECCLES: You can’t eat that.
SEAGOON: Now, if we could get up to that
window…
ECCLES: Well, get this iron chain off my neck
and I’ll help.
SEAGOON: Right! Just put your neck on this
block. I’ll soon have it off.
FX: Huge iron hammer on
anvil. Three hefty blows. Chain falls to floor.
SEAGOON: There, that’s broken it. You’re free.
How do you feel?
ECCLES: I don’t know. Ain’t never had a
broken neck before.
SEAGOON: Come, let’s to the task.
ECCLES: Ok. I’ll give you a hand.
SEAGOON: (Going
off.) Give me a hand.
FX: Chairs being stacked
one on top of another. Continue under.
SEAGOON & ECCLES: (Improvisation) Stack
these chairs up…Right! Right! &c. (Continue
under.)
GREENSLADE: Ladies and gentlemen, the sound
you are hearing is that of Seagoon and Eccles balancing chairs one on top of the
other. This operation might last some time as they will need to stack at least
fifty to a hundred chairs if they are to reach up to the high window. No doubt,
after about five minutes this sound will become very boring. BBC policy
therefore decrees that in the interim we entertain you with songs from that
well known tenor and market gardener – Mister Cyril Cringingnutt.
CRINGINGNUTT: Thank yew, Rikky Fulton.[7]
My first number tonight, I will sing – for money. And it is that lovely melody
from my latest record which I have just recorded. It is called “Three Goons in
a Fountain”. My melodies please Cyril.
PIANO: (Intro)
CRINGINGNUTT: (Sings)
Three Goons in a fountain
which
one will the fountain drown?
I’ve got
a shop full of schmutters…
GREENSLADE: (Interrupting)
Thank you! Ladies and gentlemen, Seagoon and Eccles have reached the high
window so we won’t need Cyril Cringingnutt any more, so we’ll say…
FX: Enormous crash of
chairs falling to the ground. Pause.
SEAGOON & ECCLES: (Distant) Ooooh!
PIANO: (chord)
CRINGINGNUTT: (Sings)
Three Goons in a fountain,
which
one will the fountain drown…
FX: Door bursts open.
MILLIGAN: Eyes front! Everyone silence!
Everyone back to their own beds. Now then, prisoner Seagoon, there is an
English diplomat to see you. This way sir.
ORCHESTRA: Bloodnok theme.
BLOODNOK: Aeiough! Oooooh! Kitna bugi hai! [8]…
and other naughty noises. Now, which of you two is Eccles and Seagoon?
SEAGOON: I’m Seagoon except for Eccles.
ECCLES: I’m Eccles except for Seagoon.
BLOODNOK: So, you’re both Eccles and Seagoon
except for each other.
SEAGOON & ECCLES: Yes.
BLOODNOK: I knew I'd get it out of you. I'm
the British Chargé d'Affaires – Major Bloodnok , late of Zsa Zsa Gabor's third regular
husbands. I've managed to secure your release. I completely overcame the prison
guards.
SEAGOON: What with?
BLOODNOK: Money. Aeioughh!
Now, everybody onto this ten-seater horse. Ready? Giddy-up there!
GRAMS: Burst of coconut shells. Stops almost
immediately.
BLOODNOK: Woooah! Here we are. The embassy.
FX: Knock on door. Door
opens.
ELLINGTON: Oh! It’s you sir. Am I glad you came
back. Them rebels have been trying to chop down the banana trees in the garden.
BLOODNOK: Dogs! Stand back. (Shouts) You Latin devils you, begone or
by the great artificial paste earrings of Lady Barnett[9]
I’ll come out there and cut you down. Now get out, you Latin devils!
ELLINGTON: They all went about three hours ago.
BLOODNOK: Never mind. That didn’t stop me.
SEAGOON: Gad Bloodnok, I admire your guts.
BLOODNOK: Why? Are they showing?
SEAGOON: Bloodnok, I seek Fred Nurk.
BLOODNOK: Just one moment now. He’s here to
save the British banana industry, in fact he went out alone, by himself, to
dynamite the rebel H.Q.
SEAGOON: Then all we can do is wait.
BLOODNOK: Yes. Ellington, play that naughty mad
banjo, man.
ELLINGTON: Here goes.
RAY ELLINGTON QUARTET – “Rainbow Tie”.
GRAMS: Dramatic link.
SELLERS: ‘The Affair of the Lone Banana’,
Chapter Three. In the grounds of the British Embassy our heroes are dug in
around the lone banana tree – the last symbol of waning British prestige in
GRAMS: Jungle by night. Cicadas,
crickets, distant howling.
SEAGOON: Gad, Bloodnok. This waiting is
killing me.
BLOODNOK: Shh! Not so loud you fool. Remember,
even people have ears.
SEAGOON: Sorry Major but my nerves are strung
up to breaking point.
ORCHESTRA: Loud high pizzicato on double bass.
SEAGOON: There goes one now! It’s this
darkness – you can’t see a thing.
BLOODNOK: I know, I know! For three hours
now I've been straining my eyes and I've only managed one page of the “Awful
Disclosures of Mariah Monk”. Four rupees, in plain wrapper.
GRAMS: Lone
cricket chirping.
BLOODNOK: Listen! What’s
making that noise?
SEAGOON: The cricket.
BLOODNOK: How can they see to
bat in this light?
ECCLES: Here here, Major! A
man’s just climbed over the garden wall.
BLOODNOK: A boundary. (Shouts) Well played sir!
SEAGOON: Shh! Bloodnok, you
fool. That’s no cricketer. He’s possibly a rebel assassin.
BLOODNOK: Then one of us must volunteer to go
out and get him.
SEAGOON: Yes. One of us must volunteer.
ECCLES: Yeah, one of us must volunteer!
ALL THREE:
ORCHESTRA: Regal trumpet fanfare.
GREENSLADE: “The Affair of the Lone Banana Tree”,
chapter four.
BLOODNOK: One of us must volunteer.
SEAGOON: Yes, one of us must.
ECCLES: Yep, one of us must volunteer.
BLOODNOK: Well, who is it going to be, eh? Seagoon?
SEAGOON: I’m terribly sorry, but I have a wife
and sixty-three children.
BLOODNOK: I too have a wife and children. That
only leaves dear old…
FX: Panicky rattling of
telephone.
ECCLES: Hello! Hello operator? Get me the
marriage bureau.
BLOODNOK: Eccles, you – you coward you. Seagoon,
you’re the youngest – you go.
SEAGOON: Me? You wouldn’t send an old man out
there?
BLOODNOK: You? You’re not an old man.
SEAGOON: Give me five minutes to make up and
you’ll never know the difference.
BLOODNOK: Flatten me cronkler with spinach
mallets. So, both of you have turned cowards. That only leaves me. Two cowards
and me. You know what this means?
SEAGOON: Three cowards…
BLOODNOK: …in a fountain.
Let’s face it, we’ve all turned yellow.
ELLINGTON: You speak for
yourselves.
BLOODNOK: Ohh! I’m so sorry Ellington.
No offence. I know you Irishmen are very brave.
FX: Phone rings.
BLOODNOK: Aeioughh! Don’t answer that phone,
unless it’s for me.
SEAGOON: Right. (Off mic) Are you ringing for Major Bloodnok?
MORIARTY: (Distort)
Yes.
SEAGOON: It’s for you.
BLOODNOK: Ohh!
FX: Receiver off hook.
BLOODNOK: Hello? What?! Never. Never, do you
hear me! Never!
FX: Receiver slammed
down.
BLOODNOK: It was the rebel leader –
Gonzales Mess, neé Moriarty. He says unless we cut down our banana tree and
hand it over to them, we shall all die tonight.
ECCLES: Tonight? Why – that’s tonight.
BLOODNOK: Yes. So it is. Fancy him thinking
that I’d chop down the banana tree to save my lousy skin. Ha ha!
FX: Hurried sawing.
SEAGOON: Bloodnok! Throw that saw away!
BLOODNOK: I’m sorry. I – I picked it up in a moment
of weakness.
SEAGOON: Disgraceful! Sawing down the British
banana tree.
ECCLES: Yer! It’s disgraceful, that’s what it
is!
FX: Frenzied sawing.
SEAGOON: Eccles. Stop that! Where did you get
that saw?
ECCLES: From the sea. It’s a sea-saw. Ha ha!
SEAGOON: Silence! We’ve got to pull ourselves
together. This banana tree is the last one in
BLOODNOK: Yes, you’re right. We must defend it
with your lives.
SEAGOON: Remember lads, remember – somewhere
out there, Fred Nurk is working to destroy the rebel H.Q.
ECCLES: Yeah.
SEAGOON: Now throw that saw over the wall.
ECCLES: Ok. (Effort) Huh!
SEAGOON: Good. (Self fade) Now I’m about to go on ahead and…
FX: Piece of metal falls
onto something hollow.
BLUEBOTTLE: (Off) Aeighhh aeighhh! Oooh,
my nut! Oeighhi! I’ve been hitted on my bonce!
Oh, I have been hitted, I’ve been nutted. I was kipping on the grass and
suddenly thud! Aeighhh! Clutches lump on crust.
SEAGOON: Come out from
behind that wall or I’ll throw this at you.
ECCLES: Put me down!
BLUEBOTTLE: Enter Bluebottle
wearing crash helmet. Pauses for audience applause – not a sausinge. Yes. Well,
well, well.
SEAGOON: Who is this gallant
little knight with unlaced LCC plimsolls?
BLUEBOTTLE: Who am I? I’m the one wot copped that
dirty big saw on the nut. Points to lump area.
SEAGOON: Tell me, little jam-stained hero – do
you know this jungle well?
BLUEBOTTLE: Yes - I do know the jungule. Tarzan
Bluebottle, they call me. Lifts up sports shirt, shows well developed ribs and
bones. Fills chest with air. (Takes deep
breath.) Feels giddy, so puts on cardboard loin cloth for support.
SEAGOON: Could you lead me
to the rebel HQ?
BLUEBOTTLE: (Close) I can show you the very spot…
SEAGOON: (Close) Where?
BLUEBOTTLE: (Aloud) …where that dirty big saw hitted
my nut! You rotten nut-hitting swine you. Does body-racked-with-sobs pose, as
done by Robert Newton after seeing income tax return.[10]
SEAGOON: Right. Eccles, you come with us.
Bloodnok, you stay here. Bluebottle – lead on!
BLUEBOTTLE: Forward! Pulls hat well down over
eyes, but pulls it up as cannot see where I’m going. Come! Follow me… I…
GRAMS: Terrifying roars of lion.
BLUEBOTTLE: Heu, heu, heu! What was that noise,
my Capatain?
SEAGOON: A man eating tiger.[11]
BLUEBOTTLE: Tiger?
SEAGOON: Yes.
GRAMS: Single whoosh.
BLUEBOTTLE: (Distant) I do not like this
game – 'm going home. I just remembered
it's my turn in the barrel. Exits left to
SEAGOON: Very well. I’ll go ahead. They’ll
never recognise me. I’ll disguise myself as a Mexican peon.
GREENSLADE: ‘The Affair of the Lone Banana Tree’,
chapter five.
MORIARTY: Signor, we found this idiot hiding in
a dustbin disguised as a Mexican peon.
GRYTPYPE: Ah, a midget, eh?
SEAGOON: Have a care.
GRYTPYPE: No thanks. I don’t smoke. Sit on a
chair.
SEAGOON: I’ll stand.
GRYTPYPE: Very well, stand on a chair then.[12]
SEAGOON: So – you’re the leader of the rebels?
GRYTPYPE: Yes. Now, who are you?
SEAGOON: I won’t talk. Never!
GRYTPYPE: (Calls
off) The branding irons!
SEAGOON: I’m Neddie Seagoon.
GRYTPYPE: Oh! Where’s Fred Nurkie?
SEAGOON: I don’t know.
GRYTPYPE: So, that’s where he is. Right Moriarty,
we’ll go at once to the Embassy and bring back their banana tree.
SEAGOON: You won’t succeed. It’s guarded by
Major Dennis Bloodnok.
GRYTPYPE: Bloodnok, eh? Moriarty, bring money. Seagoon,
we shall lock you in here. Goodbye.
FX: Key in lock.
SEAGOON: Ha ha ha ha! Poor fools. The moment they step out Fred Nurk will get
them. Ha ha ha! They go to their doom.
FX: Phone rings.
Receiver off hook.
SEAGOON: Hello?
FRED NURK:[13]
(Distort) Is that the rebel HQ?
SEAGOON: Yes, but I’m the middle of…
FRED NURK: Right, you swines – this is Fred
Nurk, and this is my banana night. In three seconds a time-bomb explodes in
your room. (Laughs) Ha ha!
FX: Phone goes dead.
SEAGOON: Three seconds? I’ve
got to get out of here at once.
FX: Footsteps running. Continue under.
GREENSLADE: Will Seagoon get
out in time?
GRAMS: Explosion.
FX: Footsteps cease abruptly.
GREENSLADE: Oh, hard luck! Still, he tried.
But was his sacrifice worthwhile? Did Bloodnok save the banana tree?
GRAMS: Tree
crashing to ground.
BLOODNOK: TIMBER!!!!
ORCHESTRA: End theme.
GREENSLADE: That was The Goon
Show - a recorded programme featuring Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and Spike
Milligan with the Ray Ellington Quartet and Max Geldray. The orchestra was
conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Spike Milligan. Announcer - Wallace Greenslade.
The programme produced by Peter Eton.
ORCHESTRA: Playout.
YTI 